Beginnings.

“But all endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.“
- The Five People You Meet in Heaven

FICTIONAL!!

Dear Diary,

Those snippets of conversation.

They still come to mind time to time.

You know what they say? Well, it’s true… in the end, you really don’t remember what you argued about, what was so important that could not wait another second, what was the final straw that finally broke the camel’s back… instead, you are left with only the last moments – always, forever, trying to piece together the puzzle of what had happened.

That caused everything to fall and your world to flip over…

__________________

2007.

“Stop. Please! Don’t leave me…

but you had promised!”

__________________

2009.

“So we’re over? That’s it?

you really are…

choosing her?”

_________________

2011.

“Can you… at least tell me… you love me? One last time?”

- silence -

“I’m sorry.“

- silence -

“…”

“I really sorry. I can’t say anything I don’t feel anymore.”

- click -

__________________

In each instance, year after year, each boy, whom I had given a part of my heart to, whom I had trusted and cared for, just tore out another piece of me… one after another.

Oh, the heartbreak.

Figuratively, a shattering, ripping, and tearing me apart feeling. Not just an emotional state, but a physical, tangible, gut-wrenching taste of pure agony. A feeling of being miserable, lost, battered down. Of cracking, falling, of being crushed into hundreds, thousands of pieces; of irreparable, irreversible damage.

And you know this better than anyone, but I literally – at times began to feel that way.

_________________

But somehow… you know what diary? Each time, I’ve gotten out, gotten through it! And so there’s a reason I’m titling this entry Beginnings - because I really do think I’m ready to start anew…

And besides, yesterday… I met a boy. :)

//

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Haha, what do you guys think of the narrator? Of her diary ‘entry’? Would you want more of the story? Let me know in the comments below!

In case some of you didn’t read the header, this is another creative writing piece; this time trying out the Princess Diaries-esque style. I meant to make a character who always has an optimistic view on love and this was quite fun I have to say! In other words, completely fictional (including vignettes).

And FYI, just for the record, if any boy does try to break or mess with my friends’ hearts, I will come and beat yo ass! :)

Ok, back to my cave of darkness aka studying.

Dear Future Husband

“You have so much inside you, and the noblest happiness of all. Don’t just wait for a man to come along. That’s the mistake so many women make. Find your happiness in yourself.”
- Albert Camus

Dear Future Husband,

You see, as much as I can’t wait to meet you or find out who you are, I’m not waiting. :)

Because you know what I realized?

Just seeing how much I myself have grown (especially in faith) in the past few years, months, and weeks – and how much more I will still be learning in the coming days – reminds me that it must just be a reflection of all awesome things God is doing in your life right now – to mold you, to shape you. And all this takes time… so please, be patient as I will for you.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”
- Anthony Robbins

I do believe that everything happens for a reason…

So, if you experience heartbreak, remember, it is to learn how to love. (And that is never a bad thing!)  

If you are stuck facing your biggest fears, remember, it is to learn how to be courageous.

If you experience injustice, remember it is to learn how to be kind.

If you experience sadness, remember, it is to learn the value of happiness.

If you experience uncertainty, remember, it is to put all your trust in the Lord.

And if you experience suffering, remember, it is to learn how to persevere.

All this will help you gain character, and through character – hope.

I’m rooting for you!

So, enjoy this time and see what the Lord can offer; grow, have faith!

And lastly, become that man you would want me to marry…

(Because boy, I promise you, I will be so worth it. ;D)

Until then…

Love,

jenny

Letting go.

“If you have chemistry, all you need is timing. But the thing is, timing’s a bitch.”
- Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about relationships, it’s this:

You should never regret a relationship (no matter how it ends) because relationships are about giving and not receiving. You will have learned what it means to love, to care for someone else – and I think that’s just the most beautiful, most important thing you can ever do. It also means, that in the end, you will never be leaving empty handed; instead you will also be parting with a gift… that same amazing gift of love and time and kindness that your loved one once presented to you. And last but not least, you will be gaining something more than you had bargained for – invaluable and irreplaceable lessons and experiences that you will grow from.

This time around, I’m really glad to say that I don’t regret anything.

Instead, I’m grateful.

I’m grateful for the moments we had, the memories we made, and the stories we shared. I’m even more so grateful for oppa, that he was able to be in this part of my life. He came at this certain time for a reason, and I’m glad I am able to take away not only so many good memories, but also, more importantly – so many wonderful lessons.

Before all this, I was at a point where I was pretty much like God, I doubt there is someone who is out there who would be someone you would want me with, someone who would treat me how I deserve to be treated, and who would be willing to date in the manner that I prefer.

And there was.

And now I know that there will be.

So yes, my heart is a bit bruised right now…

but it’s not broken. And it will heal.

After all, when I remember that our relationship was God’s way to show us a glimpse of what was ahead, that it was just a taste of God’s own love for us, I’m left with excitement about the future; I know I’m in good hands.

And who knows what time and the future will bring?

After all, the best things are worth waiting for… and then… I’ll know.  :)

//

This is me saying goodbye oppa (I’ll miss you)

and I’ll see you later, friend.

//

So to all my wonderful readers out there, it’s back to regular blog programming! I will unfortunately, be taking my Step 1 USMLE exam in less than 5 weeks, so I’ll do my best to post here and there. Until then, wish me luck!

And if you can, please pray for me… my heart needs it, I need it, and I especially need all the focus I can get. 

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